Clarification

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I still find myself wondering to this day... could she have been that once-in-a-lifetime? That one true love of my life? Looking back... I would say that it's EASILY possible. Where to start? The beginning, I suppose. I knew I wanted to keep her in my life forever the first night we met... and she felt the same. We had each held respective crushes for one another for some time, and once we met... fireworks. We instantly became "that couple." You know those couples. The ones that make everyone equally jealous and nauseated simultaneously? That was us. She was the most beautiful, passionate, and full of life person I had ever met. She brought out the best in me, ALWAYS. She made me feel invincible. Five and a half months after our first kiss, disaster struck.

Aside from my mother, she is without a doubt the strongest woman I know. This was fully illustrated during my three months in the hospital. She was inches from dropping out of school to take care of me, before I begged her to return and finish. She did so only for me. For three months, she drove two hours over the mountain pass every Friday afternoon, and stayed with me in the hospital until late Sunday evening. My stay in the hospital was miserable, and she was the only thing that would make things better. Doctors would see her come into the hospital on Fridays, and say "thank God." They knew that once she walked through the door... I would be happy again.

Every Friday without fail, she would walk through my hospital room door with that gorgeous smile and a chipper, "Hello handsome!" No matter how much pain I was in, it would all disappear in that moment. She would climb up next to me in my hospital bed and fall asleep with her head on my shoulder every night. At any given moment, I could look down and see her holding my lifeless hand in hers. She would stay up all hours of the night with me, reminiscing about the first four days we spent together.

Upon discharge from the hospital, the depression set in. Hard. I was miserable. I could do nothing but stare at the wall and cry for hours on end. I was subconsciously pushing her away, while trying to hold on to her too tightly at the same time, if that makes sense. She was unaffected for a long time, relentlessly trying to raise my spirits. As the summer wore on, her strength finally began to wear down. She was feeling pressure from all angles, and things were just too much finally.

In an e-mail to my mother a few days after she left, she said that her leaving was not because of a lack of love. I fully believe that. For one moment, put yourself in her shoes. She was not even 23, and had just endured one of the most painful events she may probably ever experience. All of our dreams as we knew them had just been snatched away. Every day, she tried SO HARD to raise the spirits of the man she loved, to no avail. Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch the love of your life completely give up on living... and you can do absolutely nothing about it? If she had not left, I would have dragged her down to the bottom with me.

When you say that she has no idea what she was missing, it is completely out of line. As she saw things in that time period, I wasn't coming out of things. I didn't think I would either. Had she known that I would finally make it out of the darkness, I'm confident that she would have been the one person that could have made this life work. My family and friends still speak of her strength often, and we know that her unwavering positive attitude was something that carried us through some very hard times. So before everyone starts judging this wonderful woman, ask yourself two questions: How strong was I at 22 years old? How would I have reacted in the face of such an enormous tragedy, honestly? Unless you've actually been there, you will never really know...

Thank you Hallie, I would be nowhere near the man I am today were it not for the strength and love you showed in such abundance those last six months...I may have carried you in this picture... but you carried me through some of my darkest days.

13 August 00:01 | Trackbacks anzeigen (3) | In Blog aufnehmen | My "extended" family

Kommentare (132)

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	Stéphanieschrieb: "Hello handsome" :-), Trust ur keeping good... Well u may not believe it but it's the very first time am viewing profiles on that site though it's been a long time now am on it...and the very first profile which attracted my attention & curiosity was yours...and let me tell you that am glad I did venture on your profile. I like the way about how you write and tackle things and that particular story you wrote on Hallie & You is very touching specially when I bare the thought that it's a real life experience... Thats great you feel grateful to those who have been there to enlighten your darkest moments in life and Hallie must be the best thing ever which happened to you and hopefully <that may sound odd> but your special relationship started at the right time since though you haven't been able to carry on your relationship for a long long time however you have been blessed to have her show you how much she loved you in the most tragic circumstances since showing love in everyday life is an easy thing to do as compared when one's face such kind of situation...don't we say that it's always on bad times that we have the chance to see and count the number of people who really care for us and on whom we can rely on!!! You have been <lucky> to have so much love, affection and support by your loved ones. You're a very courageous guy...i think that your accident made you a better matured and strong man and we sense that despite of what happended to you, you are just a normal guy FULL of life with many goals to achieve yet. I wish you all the best and am sure one day or the other you will have <your special one> by your side. From someone very very far (Mauritius - Paradise Island :-P) Cheers... Amber 28 Apr.
	Kein Nameschrieb: wow. You are both so young, near the same ages as my own kids. I can't imagine being either of your or your parents. I'm impressed that Hallie tried so hard to hang on and that you can continue to say loving things about her. http://360.yahoo.com/tabithadarling 18 Jan.
	Fredschrieb: Seems like you drew strength from Hallie -- that's how I see it, just from your story. This was the gift she gave you. You may not have found the love of your life yet. What you experienced with her was probably the strongest love connection that you have experienced, so far. The "ONE" is out there for you. Love endures all hope, all tragedy all pain. I agree that at 22 an individual may not have the capacity to project this enduring love to another. She probably gave all she had, and then some. I am so glad she was there for you. Because of her, you were able to harness the tragedy. Just like the sportsman that you are, you seem to have a grip on moving forward with your limitations. Try to think of this: If you could reach out and FEEL something, could you touch love? No. That's why I know you will find the perfect soul that will embrace you. You have so much to give -- no telling what you are capable of. Try everything. Do everything. This is a good site for you to embrace others so they may know you. Out here in cyberspace somehow people connect. This takes the barrier of limitation off of you. Go for it guy. Make a GOOD life. Test your strength now and go forward into the next hour.... the next day. Make everything mean something. You haven't finished making your mark... 29 Sept.
	Brandischrieb: I am glad that you've had the blessing of this wonderful girl in your life! 20 Mai
	Megan schrieb: you write with the wisdom that only someone that has been through something as horrific as your accident. you are truly an inspiration. i hope that you continue to be this postive about everything. God Bless! 23 Apr.
	Donnaschrieb: Dear Kinney, You are not a "typical guy" -- you are an extrodinary man and wonderful writer. If you've not read Whitman's A Child Went Forth from Leaves of Grass, do so. MSN posted your blog site this morning -- you've made a difference in my day and many others just today alone. Big hug kiddo. Donna (mother of Jason -- 28, Shannon -- 27, Laura -- 20, and Courtney -- 18) 23 Apr.
	Janelle schrieb: Hi Kenny, I dunno if you'll ever read this because you sure do get alot of comments on this page. I just wanted to say thank you for standing up for this girl... I've read the story about her leaving you and it made me sad, but given that I have just had to leave my boyfriend in really horrible time I sort of wondered about the reality behind this girl leaving. Thank you for having enough heart to not let others put her down... its true, unless you've been through this sort of thing you have no idea how hard it is, and I bet for Hallie it was an agonising, heart wrenching decision to make... just because someone has to walk away doesnt mean their heart isnt breaking. Love and blessings, Janelle 15 Dez.
	Daphne schrieb: Impressive!!! I do hope u r doing great now. 20 Nov.
	•°o.O? Jøëllë ?O.o°• schrieb: WoooW..... :'( I wish you the best... Take care bye bye... 3 Nov.
	TheChivalryCode1 schrieb: You show the maturity and wisdom of a man beyond your years. I feel your loss of the great relationship but also repsect what she had to do. And I sense that no matter how hard it is for you, you feel the same. Class act. If it means anyhing, your sacrifice gives me reason to love my wife more and kiss my boys good night more often. It's amazing what can be taken for granted. Cheers mate, BH 30 Okt.
	newbeginnings2004 schrieb: Beautiful, just beautiful. I need a kleenex... Bye for now, Bobbi-Jo 16 Okt.
	Synkronyzer schrieb: wow, what a story! 14 Okt.
	¿«G_i_®_L_»¿ schrieb: I only read this with tears in my eyes ... I am speechless ~ have nothing to even add to this ... 14 Okt.
	ladybugfluttering schrieb: The one you love is the one you devote everything to; hope, trust, life, and love. It takes a true strong soul to hold on tight and let someone else drive no matter what path it will take you. To be strong is to admit your greatest weakness and then figure out how to make it work. Life is hard no matter which surroundings you may have to endure. Those things that you may find are simple to understand now and the hardest things for someone else to understand and with others they can only Temporarily put themselves in that position. I am glad that Hallie stood beside you. It gave you the strength and the questions that you needed. You have many things that you will accomplish despite everyone saying that you will not. My father's arm was cut off only hanging by just a little skin. The doctors said he would probably never use that arm again. He now has 95 percent usage of his arm. He was unwilling to let anyone say it couldn't happen. He just made it happen. One nerve that he needed was spared throught the accident. God's way of saying "here's a challenge, are you up to it". Much admiration on a great way to talk to people. I really feel like this not only helps you, but it makes other people open up, like me. Thank you!!!! Kindest Regards, Hallie Pierce 20 Sept.
	EaglesFirstFlight schrieb: Hi Kenny, I come and check in on you 3-4 times a week and have now for several weeks. I just wanted to leave you a little message about this particular entry. I know a little something about this, for you see, I DID lose the one and only in my life about 3 years ago to a brain anurysm, and I know that there will never be another like her. Yet, my loss doesn't even come close to the tragedy you've been dealt. But, you manage to always (well, almost) stay up-beat and positive. This is something that I struggle with constantly. Kenny, I have a tremendous respect for your strength, integrity, and dignity and like to think that I share in a few of those traits... If you get a chance, stop by and check in on me once in awhile... as I learn to live and maybe even love again. Perhaps we could learn from each other through both of our experiences, I know that I have learned a thing or two from you. Bryan 19 Sept.
	Becca4292261 schrieb: ...You dont know me, and i dont know you, but I sat here for 2 hours reading your blogs. I couldnt stop reading them. You are an incredible person, from what i have read. You have incredible talent to write, and unbeliveable will-power. I have had some hard times.. none of which even come close to comparing to yours. But you have inspired me in so many ways. Thank-you, and i wish you the best in your life!!!!!!! Take Care. 18 Sept.
	ChristinaE75 schrieb: She sounds wonderfull! I´m glad to hear that you had someone like her by your side!!:) 1 Sept.
	Elliessmile schrieb: I have been inspired by you dear Kenny and I want you to know that I have known many trials and inspired many lives. It is a gift to be moved by a real persons courage and to be able to see strength so few possess. Come and visit my space and read from the month of June and you can read of only a few of my trials and mirrored back to you is a strength I rarely see. I wondered if there were any body out there who reaches in the depth of their soul and finds what I have read in your blogging. It is an honor to have entered into your space. You have left Ellie smilng. Take care! and.... thankyou for honoring her because it proves to the heart of a woman honor truly is out there and within reach. You are an amazing young man! 26 Aug.
	Tanya schrieb: Thank you very much for writing this entry...It had bothered me how quickly and easily everyone was to judge her in the past comments, when most of them did not truly put themselves in her shoes. It is very mature and level headed for you to be able to remove yourself and explain both sides...I got a glimpse of the difficulty with a traumatic injury when I read the book "Dive from Clausen's Pier" It's hard to really understand if you have not been in the direct situation. However, I do believe that there is hope...and the fact that you have returned from the dark side (no small task), and still have your mind, personality, and sense of humor....you never know if she may walk back into your life or another amazing person. Either way, I know there is a plan for you...that you will eventually be aware of....Thank you for this entry! 21 Aug.
	raincheck88 schrieb: I guess I just expected more from the people I love and who love me. Yes, I think it would be a hard situation to go through at 22, but not impossible and I was very strong at 22. Everyone grows up differently, but I had a very tough life and was responsible for two younger siblings at 17. I would never leave my boyfriend if he was paralyzed and I'm only 25. My friends were in their mid-20's when she was paralyzed and not only did her boyfriend not leave her...he married her. You "pushing" her away shouldn't make her leave. People can be pretty unpleasant and depressed when they are seriously ill or injuried. However, if you love them you know the real person is still in there and they will come back. She was not the "one", that thought you can really let go of. She was there when you needed her most and gone when you didn't need her anymore. That's the way God works sometimes. She wasn't strong enough to stay forever and it's good you found that out now. Doesn't mean she wasn't a beautiful, sweet girl, but it does mean she wasn't meant for you. Life can be hard. People lose children, their limbs, their health, etc. you want someone who will be there "in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health." this is true love and this is true strength. Good luck and I hope you find it. 20 Aug.

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